Making It Work
OCTOBER 29, 2014
Starting November 1st, our family medical insurance runs out because my husband lost his job. The reason he lost his job was because he was taking too many days off. The reason he was taking too many days off was because our twins were in the hospital. I’m just so angry and confused at the whole entire issue. How does a government job fire an employee that has been with the department for 14 years… FIRE someone for being at the hospital with their critically ill child?!?! We even had doctors notes, letters and referrals from the Children’s Hospital describing the medical issue, saying how we needed to be there with him. Our son has had 8 surgeries since he was born on July 1st. EIGHT!! How would anyone not expect us, his parents, to be at the hospital with him?!
Anywho… so needless to say we applied for medical for our boy. And my husband applied for a private insurance until January. I was adamant on keeping our same type of insurance. I didn’t want any kind of rift in our daughters’ medical care. Especially our baby girl twin. So, this new cost will be a little more than $900.00. But that’s better than the $1800.00 that we were offered as severance from his job! lol… staying positive. =)
I was having a bad day yesterday afternoon. I think my human side is still fighting off the postpartum depression. I’ve been praying so hard about that. I pray that God will just take over my body, take over my thoughts and free me from that depression. Most days I am fine. I feel fine. I feel happy even. But then there is something that triggers me. Something can happen or someone can say something and BOOM! I’ll get mad.. I’ll cry.. I’ll try to stay in bed all day.. it’s awful because that is NOT me. And I can consciously understand that it’s the depression. And every time, I pray! I’ll take those deep breaths, and pray for me to get over it at this moment. Lord, give me the strength to get through this.. give me the courage to get up and move on with my day. Get Me Up!! And Praise God, THAT has worked for me. I’ve learned to fight against it.. most days.
After I was feeling better, our church had Praise Team practice. This was going to be my first practice with them. I was only a little nervous. But if felt SO good being up there. Just to be able to sing His praises and be able to do what I absolutely LOVE to do…worship!.. Being able to worship has helped me in this journey. I love to sing..I’m one of those people that when I’m alone, I will sing at the top of my lungs…lol. I LOVE praising Him. It just feels so good!! I really did have so much fun! I absolutely LOVE our church!!
After service, I went up to the hospital to visit Matthew. The drive there was cool.. only an hour away. But the drive home, at 3am is horrendous!!!! I was so exhausted. Matthew is doing amazing still!!! His nurse, Kristen, was there with him. It was her last night for two weeks..she’s getting married this coming Sunday. I think Matthew has a crush on her…lol. He has a crush on all his nurses. lol. He is at 95mL of dialysis solution right now… our goal is to get to 150mL so he can get put on a take-home machine. It is truly amazing the progress he has made since last month. Doctors told us he was NOT going to survive…and now here he is. We are talking about taking him home. God’s miracles.
I learned at last nights visit that one of Matthew’s roommates, a little baby girl, had passed away. I am so sad. I spoke to her mother once, and told her that my bhusband and I were praying for her. I don’t think she was very religious, but I think it helped her to know prayers were going her way. I told her prayers for strength and comfort for her and her baby. She hugged me and cried. I told her I know what she is going through.. I know how she feels; I have been there with my son for three months. And it will probably be another two before we go home.
I ask God on numerous occasions to show me what I need to see..what I need to hear.. and this was one scripture that was shown to me…
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the Glory which shall be revealed to us”- Romans 8:18
Keeping my eyes on Him! I have had several dreams and visions of what God has in store for us. Especially for our family and for our son. And I know in my heart that everything we are going through is going to be ALL worth it in the end. I KNOW it!! God tested me for sure. And now, at this very moment…I just have to keep holding on. I am past the hardest part… I am now just going through the storm. I just really have to HOLD ON!