143 days in NICU
NOVEMBER 19, 2014
When the twins were born, I lived at the NICU. I was there about 18 hours a day. For the first four weeks…it was my home.
After the first month I had to finally go HOME and “snap out of it.” I had to come to terms with the fact that my babies weren’t coming home with me any time soon. I had to remember and realize that I have four other children at home…waiting on me… depending on me… needing ME.
So I left… I went HOME. I would make arrangements to be at the NICU either every other day.. or every few days.. I’d split my days..I’d split my weeks.. I had six kids… four girls at home, two premature newborns an hour away.
It was hard, to say the least. I was dealing with postpartum depression, my FAITH, financial problems…
… and then I had to shove all the emotions that come with all that and I had to put a smile on my face and put on a brave face for my children at home. I was miserable on the inside and out. I was sad. I was just so sad.
I spoke to an ex-NICU mom once and she gave me the best advice I could have ever received. She said.. when you are at the NICU-be THERE. Don’t think about anything else. Don’t think about your husband, kids, or anything else. BE at the NICU. Enjoy your baby. Take in their breaths..take in their life. Give them your ALL. Give your baby hope, love, prayers, and give them ALL your energy they need to fight!!
And when you are home..BE home. Enjoy your other children, your husband, your bed, your rest. Don’t worry or wonder about your NICU baby. They are in the BEST hands.
It was hard at first to do this. But I NEEDED happiness. I NEEDED the joy of my children’s laughter and smiles and most importantly, I NEEDED their energy. My children give ME life. Yes, it was a scary and sad time…but God has blessed me with other children. I MUST acknowledge the blessings. I MUST be GRATEFUL for all He has gifted me with. I learned to be GRATEFUL and FAITHFUL for ALL that God has given us.
I have SEEN babies be called back to heaven. I have SEEN parents lose hope. I have SEEN families in despair for their infant. I have SEEN parents take their babies home.
I was BLESSED with TWO additional babies. God didn’t promise me easy. He promised love, life, family, and blessings…
143 days. My son spent 143 days in NICU. Moments ago I made the last call to the NICU I will ever make. The last call I will make to check up on him. The last call. The last day. This is it. I’ve cried many tears of pain..many tears of relief…and many more of joy. Today, I cry tears of thanksgiving. Tears of pure happiness. Tears of PRAISE.
Deep down it’s a feeling of bitter sweetness. I WILL miss Matthew’s primary nurses. His nurses that have cared for him and his sister. The doctors.. the front desk staff.. even the nice cleaning lady that always asks about him and his sister. I’ll miss the hallways..the interactive elevator that talks to us when we get in..I’ll even miss the vegetarian pizza calzones on Fridays.
Today our NICU journey ends. Tonight we start a journey. This new ride, I’m told, is even more scary. But we are ready. It’ll be hard…BUT GOD! God’s got us.
Blessings to u all.
For His Honor and Glory…