Written on JUNE 5, 2015
This week has been one big bubble of chaos. It all started on Monday and here we are on Friday. Sitting on my living room floor… floored, literally.
I wont go into too much detail about all the things that went wrong. I really don’t feel like dwelling on the bad or the sad. It has just been a tough week. From our vehicle situation, employment situation, Matthew being really sick and dehydrated, surgery getting cancelled because he’s so bad, our grandmother really sick and placed in the hospital…. I’m tired.
Today was the first time that I had to take BOTH the twins with me to pick up my school aged daughters. I am so glad that school is almost out. This was an adventure. I can’t believe I made it to the car and home.
If my life was a television show, I think it’d be quite comical. After dragging two car seats into the house, taking a vomit-covered baby out of one, and a drool-covered baby out of the other one… I crashed. I was exhausted. I lied on the living room floor and closed my eyes. For one second, I wanted to sleep. I wanted to BE asleep.
I can often FEEL myself when I start dwindling down into that sadness. So instead, I would often start running around the house cleaning and just moving. I actually get a burst of energy when I fight off the sadness. I seriously feel like a warrior sometimes. lol… reminds me of a skit from Mad TV when the actors portray senior citizens. One character has heart attacks and she says “Not Today Lord!” lol.. its hilarious. I should find it on YouTube or something. Well, that’s how I feel. Not Today Lord!
So on this particular day I, as stated above, I crashed. Pure exhaustion. There was no getting up or getting that energy. There just wasn’t. I felt my tears fill my eyes. At this moment, my son Matthew, rolled over to me to where he was in my face. He reached both hands out and touched my face. It was as if he was saying, don’t cry mama. I felt such love and such power and such strength in the tip of his little fingers. He started goo-ing at me and (his new thing) he says “AH! AH!” lol…
The next thing I know, I have another baby creeping on my from behind. She brings her hands and her arms over like King Kong climbing over a building. She climbs over me and on top of me…. and here they are. My twins. My babies. My little miracles.
THIS is why I “do what I gotta do”. I was made for THIS moment. I was made to have many many more of these moments. THEY give me such joy. God has blessed me in abundance with amazingly talented and beautiful children. They were both goo-ing at me, as if they were asking What’s wrong? As if they were saying, Don’t be sad.
Amazing this is, at only 11 months old, they started playing with ME… to make ME feel better. And I did. I felt a lot better. The rest of the afternoon the three of us played until their older sisters came home from school.
It was a beautiful beautiful day.
God Bless everyone.