The last few weeks have been super-duper overwhelming for me. I have been trying to do this and that and trying to keep it together. And honestly…. I can’t do it anymore. I have been praying about it and have spoken to my husband about what I need to do. I even wrote about it a few months ago… I need to let go.
Last night while I was at altar call, the Lord spoke to me. And it came through a beautiful soul from church. Gloria … She told me that God showed her that I am walking on a tight rope. I am trying to be something for everyone. I am trying to do everything for everyone. I am trying to be there for everyone else.
I am taking steps forwards and backwards and trying to balance everything.
God is sending this message to me…. I need to choose. And I need to choose to move forward. I need to walk forward… I need to move on… I need to stop trying to balance everything and I need to just GO.
And as she is saying this, I am receiving this. I am accepting this. I am speaking through my spirit. How do I do this? How do I move forward? What am I supposed to be doing?? And suddenly the answer came to me. A brother from church suddenly came in and spoke to me. God told him to tell me,
Speak it Forward
He didn’t know what it meant, but the Lord needs me to Speak it Forward. And I know exactly what he means. I know what I need to do.
Soon there will be an article coming out about me. And it is through the hospital here. Loma Linda is Christ-centered hospital. And they interviewed me to give them an update about Matthew and his twin sister. I answered their questions and it was great. Then the writer asked me about what drove me through. And I told him,
GOD. God has gotten me through it all. His reassurance, His visions, His hope, His Promises …. He has gotten me through.
The journalist asked if there was a specific or particular moment that God reassured me. And I told him about the first time that God had ever spoken to me. It was the first time that God had ever revealed Himself and His Power to me. He showed me, in physical form, Matthew’s Angel. Matthew has his own group of angels… Matthew’s Miracle Squad.
I wrote about it in 2014 in a post called Letting Go .
I have KNOWN that I need to write about our journey. I have known that WHEN God grants us these blessings and miracles, my job is write about it. My assignment is to go out and tell the world about all He has done. And I feel like I was trying so hard to help others, I was trying so hard to not deal with my own emotions and hardships, that I was distracting myself. Which isn’t a bad thing… but I think the Lord is now telling me that I need to move forward and finally do what I have been assigned to do.
I didn’t meet my first deadline with the publisher. And the funny thing is… he didn’t worry about it. It was great. I was stressing over it and he said, “when God brings the word to you, you will be able to write it and put it into words.” I was so relieved. I thought, there goes my chance… but no. He believes the same thing… when it’s time, God will give me the time. And since last night, when He finally spoke to me, I learned… I have come to the realization…
No more walking on a tight rope. No more depression. No more trying to BE something or BE everything for everyone. I can’t right now. I need to concentrate on my family and my son and myself. I need to concentrate on doing God’s work. I need to BE who God needs me to be. He is opening those doors here at the hospital and He is making a way for me to tell our story. He is making a way for me TO GIVE HIM HIS GLORY!!! And THAT is what I will do.
I am going to write more.
I am going to tell the world what is going on.
I am going to tell of ALL HIS MIRACLES.
So here goes….
Please continue to pray for our family. Pray for our son, for me… that I do ALL that I can to give Him His Glory!!
Please share and pass along, this is our fundraising page for Matthew. I will update on our insurance dilemma soon. And hope to find a place to live when the time comes for a new kidney. Please share and help.
And also be sure to follow along and send your prayers to his facebook page
Thank you so much. God Bless