So much has happened in these past 4 years… its been kind of incredible. It has been a life I NEVER thought or imagined we would be living. I can go on about the dream life I believed we would be living right now, but it would just be a waste of time. Because my life will never EVER be the way I imagine it to be.
About 9 months ago i had to step back and start processing and dealing with all that we were going through. For once and for all, I had to start the real process of healing.
After months of NOT processing or feeling or allowing myself to DEAL with everything, I had to finally open the cracks of my broken heart and start allowing myself to heal. Lemme tell ya, It was definitely an eye opener. And painful as hell. Because just as I started to open my heart to real and raw emotions, the Lord decided to throw in a curve ball. A low and inside, nasty little curve ball. It was ugly. I had to feel the full, disgusting, raw emotion of my broken heart. And for the first time in a long time, I got angry. Really really angry.
BUT… God. He reminds me in the most miniscule ways how good He is. The enemy has known my purpose long before I even knew. And the snake has been trying to hurt me, deceive me and kill my JOY for years. This curveball was the last thing the enemy was trying to use to destroy ME with. But God. WITH HIM I am getting stronger every day. Getting more and more confident. I have found the smile on my face to actually be real most times. And I have found most of my laughter has been out of pure joy. Life is still a roller coaster and every day is still a fight to survive… but I KNOW who holds tomorrow. I KNOW there is something for me SOON SOON SOON!!!! And i believe that whatever happens is because Im on the journey that God had paved for me long long ago.
Four years ago November 16th was the beginning of my DIFFERENT life. This is the journey that God put me on when I asked Him to use me. It was Day One.
November 16th… just another day to get through.