So, one cool thing about WordPress is that I can see all my analytics. I love that I can see who and how many people search either my name or my blog. And I have noticed there are a few searches… on purpose. lol.
I have realized I NEED to keep this blog up. I need to keep writing and updating this crazy life of mine. Coming 2018, there are going to be a lot of changes happening. There are so many special events and fundraisers that I am a part of that are already planned and are in the works of being planned. I honestly, am trying my hardest to NOT panic or let my anxiety kick my a** about it. I have become more and more …. what’s the word …. “different“. Yeah.. different is actually the perfect word.
I am different.
I am different from when I started this blog 3 years ago. I actually wish I had started it sooner that that. Four years ago is really when this life was set for me. God placed me on this special path. He knew all along what was going to happen. He sat up there, above me, playing chess with my life. That’s how I see it, anyway. He placed me on the board with all the pieces in place. At different times in my life, people moved. I moved. Some moves were good. Some moves were bad. Some people left my life. Some are still here. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it didn’t.
I have no idea if I am close to being done with this game called my life. But I know I am still the key player in it. I know I still need to make moves and look at the board from above like He does. I need to figure out what moves to make next and figure out how I want people to see or join in. I need to decide how much of my life I will let people in and how much of my life I will share. Its unfortunate that I actually have some haters out there. lol.. people who don’t even know me but know people I associate with me. So therefore, like in high school, they come up with stories about me and just hate me. lol. Which is fine… it doesn’t bother me too much. But what does bother me is… how much do I let people see? I hate the all-eyes-on-me public life. But I know I have been assigned all this special stuff because I am the one that needs to do it. Advocate for babies. Represent our childrens hospital. Speak about Jesus and how our miracle evolved. I am supposed to give hope and encourage other families. Let people know that Miracles DO happen. I don’t know how certain people are chosen to witness these miracles, but….. THEY ARE! And I am one of them.
I am torn with still needing to get through my heartache… getting strong again… and being happy about where I am in life. Because honestly… I am NOT happy at all…..
so bare with me as I decide on what I share.. how I share.. and how I continue on… please keep praying for my family.. these days, prayer is the ONLY thing that is keeping us going.
Blessings. And thank you for still searching.