I fight. Because I’m a fighter.
The last five years I have had to fight for the life that I have now. Exactly five years ago, I learned the full details of what was wrong with my son. I was shown test results, an ultrasound video, a diagram, research information and statistics of the severity of my sons diagnosis and the probability of, not survival, but of death.
When I was told it would take a miracle for him to survive, I gave it to God to handle His miracle. Because, that is what HE does, after all. The Lord had me learning and understanding all about who HE is. I grew up knowing Him. I went through life talking to Him. Allowing Him to guide me through some crazy situations and decisions I had to make. I understood that HE was my foundation. I learned about what Gods Will is. And I made a conscious decision to keep our communication open and honest. So when I had lost my church home for so many years, I still always talked to Him. He was still a huge part of my life.
And the Lord fought for my son. HE handled it. HE handled THAT miracle. And I am so grateful. But…
… no one EVER showed me how to get through as ME. And I have talked about this before. How I believed in God and I had faith and all… but no one ever taught me, as a mom, to “get over it”. No one every told me that, yes it was going to be hard, and yes I was going to get through it, and yes life was never going to be the same, but… no one said how to get over it. There is no instruction manual of how to move on with this NEW LIFE. Nowhere are there any directions to where to go or what to do when you lose EVERY SINGLE THING in life because of a medical miracle.
So how do I do it? How do I move on? Who do I go to? Because every single therapist I have met and spoken to and counseled with has no idea what it’s like. Not one. I can say that I appreciate their time and their trying… but… I have left each appointment much more upset or annoyed than when I went in.
I have been blessed to have met a handful of moms who UNDERSTAND what I have been through. Because they, themselves, have gone through it too. We have each asked each other what is the answer to this dilemma of ours and we have only been able to come up with a bottom line…
Just. Keep. Going.
That’s it. Just keep going. Keep having the faith to get through it. NO, we aren’t strong because it doesn’t feel that way, but…. we HAVE to keep going. We HAVE to keep going through it. We HAVE to put on a brave face and just deal with it because our sons and daughters and family’s depend on US!! We can’t stop. We can’t give up. We can’t even take a break from it all. We just have to keep going. And with the strength of the Lord, WE WILL GET THROUGH IT!!!
So, yes, I am a fighter. Because the Lord fights with me!!