There was one time about five years ago (almost exactly five years ago) that the twins were 6 weeks old in the NICU. Callia was close to being discharged and Matthew was prepping for his 3rd surgery. Matthew was NOT doing well at all. Everything was going wrong for him. All his stats were slowly… Continue reading HE keeps HIS Promises
I am sitting here on a Sunday afternoon trying to write. And what's going through my mind is just a bunch of memories. The flashbacks come and go. And today they are strong. I think because I am trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for the first day of school. My twins, my babies,… Continue reading Like a Movie
I wanted to share to this share this again. A post about emotions during a trauma. I wanted to share my real feelings and thoughts from 2017 because I am currently writing an update to this post. It’s been an incredible journey. I use those words often to describe my life these past 5 years… “incredible journey”. Stay Tuned to hear about what they truly mean.
I am going to be brutally honest in this post because I think it’s time.
I can’t seem to comprehend the reality of everything going on lately. I have been in Mama Bear Mode for so long, I have detached myself from feeling true emotion.
From day one I have had to fight for Matthew and Callia. And when Callia was well, I have had to continue to fight to avoid death for Matthew on several occasions. My mind clicked to the OFF and I became a zombie for months. My world was so dark I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t see how far my future went with Matthew. I didn’t think there even was a future. I couldn’t help but think ‘not without my son’!!
And when Matthew came home from the hospital for the first time, Mama Bear Mode was switched to ON. I didn’t have time to cry or be sad…
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Five years ago we were staring at these little creatures with tubes all over them... machines living for them. Alarms going off every few minutes. A whole new world we never knew existed. Photo #1- Matthew Cross Photo #2- Callia Faith I have never shared these photos before. There are so many photos that… Continue reading These little ones #InTheNICU
I fight. Because I'm a fighter. The last five years I have had to fight for the life that I have now. Exactly five years ago, I learned the full details of what was wrong with my son. I was shown test results, an ultrasound video, a diagram, research information and statistics of the severity… Continue reading I Fight… I’m a Fighter!